MATCH
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The first match was the debut of LGN's newest recruits in a tag team showdown. First to the mats were Olympic Gymnast Missy America (accompanied by her coach, Belly Corolla and her olympic partner Paul Pommelhorse) and El Gecko, escorted to the mats by her keeper, Professor John Allgood of the Franklin Park Zoo Herptology Department; the second team was the Irish Twins, Mary Margaret and Margaret Mary, accompanied by their sisters Mary Catherine and Catherine Mary. The match exploded with a lockup between Missy America and Mary Margaret , after which Missy dominated the match with an abdominal stretch and a bow hold, humiliating Mary with a display of gymnastic ribboning over her prone body before she was able to tag her sister. Margaret Mary, looking like an Irish Kabuki demon, came at the now tagged El Gecko with a running clothesline, but Gecko countered with a spinebuster over her knee. Eventually recouping, Margaret got El Gecko in a South Boston Crab and dealt some punishing blows to El Gecko, knocking her nearly unconscious. To add well,insult and injury to injury, Margaret then yanked off El Gecko's tail. It would be a move she would later regret, as she took a "refresher" from a paper bagged bottle, El Gecko revived and used her tail upon her. With the biblical logic of "An eye for an eye; Gecko took a tooth for a tail and knocked quite a few of Margarets to the floor before she could tag out. As Missy posed with and then returned Gecko's tail, Mary Margaret hauled her into a Canadian Backbreaker. It was the beginning of the end for Missy...even her Operation Desert Takedown move couldn't keep Mary on the mats and she eventually got the best of her opponent with a rolling keylock pin to win the match. The second match was a championship title belt match between Mistress Cheetah the Mean Mistreatah, escorted by her slave boys Duh and Ug (collectively "Doug"); and Death's Own Handmaiden, Conqueror Worm, accompanied by her trainer the Grim Reaper. A battle of the titans and quite the grudge match, considering the countless humiliations suffered by both parties at the hands of the other. The Fruitcake debacle still clearly working the Conqueror's exposed nerves, the match initially looked to be going in her favor, breaking the lockup with a particularly vicious choke slam and turning it into a protracted body scissors. Cheetah managed to turn things around with a reverse chinlock and a torturous crossface hold, but Worm once again threw her to the mats with an arm drag. It looked like the Conqueror was destined to bear the Title Belt by nights end when she busted out her crushing power bomb upon the Cheetah but it was not to be. Cheetah somehow managed to avoid the back breaking slam and stayed up on Worms shoulders, where she (illegally) beckoned for her riding crop from Duh and beat Worm until she dropped to her knees. In protest, her trainer the Grim Reaper struck slave boy Ug dead, but he was soon resucitated by Duh. Still managing a weak pin on Cheetah, she was sent flying across the ring wherein Cheetah cartwheeled the Worm into her Litterbox Pin to win the match and the LGN Women's Championship Belt.
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| JINGLE
BELLES AND A FEW BALLS AT THE PERISHABLE THEATER In what seemed
to many a rare moment of compassion and charity, LGN archrivals
Mistress Cheetah and Conqueror Worm agreed to a match as part of
the Jingle Belles benefit show at the Perishable Theater in Providence,
RI on Saturday night. While I'd like to think it was the holiday
spirit and the notion of the proceeds going to the Good Neighbor
Energy Fund that brought these mayhem mamas out into the winter
night, it immediately became clear to me that this was considered
by both simply another opportunity to beat the stuffing out of one
another. The First Annual Holiday Fruitcake Invitational was structured
as a no pin fall, no referee, no holds barred match, the objective
being a rather dense loaf of fruitcake placed off to the left of
ringside. Whichever wrestler managed to grab the fruitcake first
is officially declared the winner and free to use the fruitcake
in whatever manner she saw fit. The match was announced by first
time ringside commentator Downtown Crystal Brown and the infamous
Mister Reusch. Large
format Video of the match in *.wmv format (windows movie file) is
available for download to the first 100 fans from the link below,
but as it's 70mb, I will recount the match highlights for those
of you with lower bandwidth and/or little patience. I will be adding
the match in different formats and sizes once I reinstall #%$^%!!
Adobe Premiere.... ________________________________________________ It was anyone's match from the face off, as CW and MC were constantly gaining dominance over the other opponent, beginning with a back flip out of a finger lock by the Cheetah and a leg sweep takedown by the Worm. After a spine realigning Boston Crab and some furious stomps, CW rendered MC nearly senseless...or so she thought. As she taunted her lithe feline opponent, Cheetah threw her down with a leg wrap and went for the fruitcake. The Worm wriggled to her feet and prevented her defeat, only to be brought down again by CW's legendary Cheetah Heatah move. The clever Worm eventually managed to turn the pin into an ankle lock on MC and move into a neck crunching camel clutch and body scissors. As slippery as a wet pussycat, the Cheetah once again turned it around and left CW reeling with a series of punishing forearm blows to her head and a spinebusting Bridge over Trouble Waters. Eventually able to stumble to her feet, CW narrowly avoided forepaws in the face from one of MC's back flips, grabbing her into a spin and throwing her to the floor. Dashing off to the fruitcake, it was as if she suddenly sensed danger lurking behind her and sure enough, Cheetah was at her with a Hurricanerana! It was only CW's savvy that kept her from taking the full force of the move, but she was now trapped by a leg lock around her neck. The mat being where it is AT for the worm, however, she quickly managed a leg lock of here own and turned it around to pin Cheetah. Her moment had come to dash for the fruitcake, but her blood (or whatever passes for it in a living skeleton) was up, and instead decided she much rather inflict more brutality upon her rival. With tremendous force, The Worm hauled the Cheetah up into her Scaffold move and the crowd just knew MC was done for, until MC slid off of CW's shoulder, hooking her neck on the way down her back and smashing her onto the mat and into La-La Land. After stepping on Conqueror Worm's prone body to get to the fruitcake, she took an (ill-advised) bite and then smashed it over the head of Death's Own Handmaiden for a final indignity.
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ALLSTON ROCK CITY TAKEDOWN
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 The
ladies of La Gata Negra train at:Rock City Body 14 Harvard Ave Allston MA 617.782.4410 |
 La
Gata Negra is sponsored by: Black Cat Burlesque We put the BUMP back into the night! and Monster at Large Illustrator Mister Reusch |
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Friday,
February 18th, 2005 marked the first official wrestling show of
the new LGN lineup and our first ever championship belt match What
a night it was! Not only did we wow the crowd with our swift and
blinding violence, but we managed to pick up a few wrestlers-in-training
to boot.
